emilybal

Plan for your most extraordinary year yet

Tue, 31 Dec 2024 16:56:22 GMT

As the year draws to a close, it’s natural to look back on the months gone by and think about what the future holds. That’s why I created My Extraordinary Plan—a tool that helps you reflect, dream, and plan for the year ahead.

In a world filled with noise, taking time to pause and focus on your own goals can be transformational. This plan is not about rigid resolutions or overwhelming to-do lists; it’s about reconnecting with what truly matters to you and setting intentions that inspire.

What Makes My Extraordinary Plan Unique?

This isn’t your average planning tool. Here’s why people love it:

It’s your journey, your way : There’s no one-size-fits-all. You can complete it solo, with friends, in one sitting or in small chunks. However it fits your life, it works.
Reflect and recharge : Celebrate your accomplishments, acknowledge challenges and find the lessons hidden in 2024. This reflection sets the stage for a powerful 2025.
Big dreams, small steps : Whether you’re envisioning big life changes or identifying simple tweaks to improve your daily life, this plan helps you focus on what matters most.

Why Reflect and Plan?

Life moves fast, and it’s easy to lose track of our personal goals in the whirlwind of daily responsibilities. Taking time to reflect helps you:

Appreciate the present : Celebrate your successes and recognise the moments that brought joy.
Set meaningful goals : Define what success looks like for you—not by society’s standards, but by your own.
Create balance : Identify what brings you peace and what needs adjusting to feel more aligned in 2025.

How to Get Started?

Download the plan : Grab your copy of My Extraordinary Plan here and set aside some quiet time.
Reflect : Look back on the highs and lows of 2024. What worked? What didn’t? What are you proud of?
Dream big : Think about what an extraordinary 2025 looks like for you. Where will you focus your energy?
Take action : Use the prompts in the plan to map out realistic steps and start making them happen.

Share Your Journey

One of the best parts of planning is sharing the experience. I’d love to hear how you’re using the plan and what it’s helping you discover about yourself. Tag me on Instagram @emilybal.confidencecoach or pass the plan along to a friend who’s ready to make 2025 unforgettable.

Ready to get started?

Download My Extraordinary Plan and take the first step toward a truly remarkable year.

How to feel more confident in the next 30 days

Wed, 12 Oct 2022 10:46:25 GMT

Confidence is a funny thing. It’s a state of mind. A belief. A feeling. A conviction that you can you do whatever you focus on and that you’ll succeed. It can be acquired and lost. It is admired in some and chastised in others. It is not all encompassing, and you can be highly confident in one area and not in others. It is as unique as you are and, from my experience, most people would like a bit more of it.

In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person's overall sense of self-worth or personal value. It’s how much you appreciate and like yourself. It is different to self-confidence. I heard a great definition on the The Squiggly Careers podcast recently which was ‘self-confidence is self-esteem in action.’

I pitch myself as a confidence coach because so many people cite confidence as something they’d like a little bit more of. But there’s an assumption that it can be fixed in a one hour session, that I can wave a magic wand or prescribe a secret formula.

Alas this just isn’t the case.

However, if I told you that the single best thing you can do to improve your self-confidence, is as easy as reading the next sentence, would you do it? Of course you would.

And because you did, here it is.

I can guarantee your confidence will grow if you take some action today on that thing you’ve been mulling over for months. Move that idea along that won’t go away but keeps getting deprioritised. Start the project that needs your attention, but you choose to never give it.

Things that positively impact our confidence are as follows:

Connection to our values
Ability to disarm our inner critic
Accepting failure as a crucial part of success
Engaging a growth mindset
Taking calculated risks, and, drum roll please…
Being in action

Now is the time. Inhale deeply and take the first step, no matter how small. Just start. Do something. Anything! But how? I hear you cry! Let me explain.

Welcome to your mini project! Over the next 30 days you’re going to embark on a four-step mini project to see how your idea works. It will validate your learning, minimise uncertainty and help you make a decision as to how to proceed.

This concept comes from the Japanese term ‘Genchi Genbutsu’ which when translated means ‘Go see for yourself’. The term was coined by Taiichi Ono, the father of the Toyota production system, and in his practice, it meant going down to the factory floor and testing out ideas in the real world rather than ruminating on the theory.

The framework below can be applied to anything, whatever stage it is at. All you have to do is make the commitment and notice what you notice.

1. BUILD - Choose an idea then choose a small thing to do within that idea to test it out. This is your mini project.

Something that doesn’t take much effort or cost
Whatever you choose it has to make it clearer if your bigger idea is viable
It has to be in the real world
Make it fit around your current commitments
Something you can do in a short time frame – less than 30 days, one week for procrastinators.

2. MEASURE - How are you going to measure the success?

Fulfillment metrics could be resonance (does it give me energy?), competence (am I any good at it?) and sustainability (can I make a living from it?).
Success in any area is positive. Success in all three is hitting the fulfilment sweet spot and telling you something.

3. PLAN - Schedule it in and start

Give your mini project an end date
Tell someone who can hold you accountable
Write everything down and stay curious

4. LEARN - What did you learn?

Explore what didn’t work as much as what did
Did you enjoy yourself?
Do you pivot or persevere?
Is there a new mini project?

This is how it worked for me. In September 2020 I wanted to explore if I could support people with their CVs. It felt aligned with my existing work and the pandemic was having an impact on work and working. People were being furloughed and made redundant and were worried about their careers. However, I had no idea if there was an appetite for working with someone on something like a CV. So I made it into a mini project. I offered ten free CV sessions on LinkedIn and success would be filling the slots, getting some great testimonials and maybe (hopefully) a new client. In the end I had 15 wonderful conversations and reviewed 15 CVs, I loved offering tangible and timely support, I immediately got two new paying clients and my fulfilment sweet spot was hit. I’m now proud to offer CV review and interview support as part of my offering .

So, there you have it. Creating confidence is something that we all have control over.

Susan Jeffers told us to ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’.

I say, ‘test it out’.

If you enjoyed this blog then here are some more you might like

How to be more confident in interviews

Make affirmations work for you

How to use STAR to answer interview questions brilliantly

Tue, 12 Oct 2021 16:54:23 GMT

We’ve all been there. You’re in an interview for a job you’re really, really excited about. You’re nervous. Then someone says ‘Tell me about a time when…’

Your mind goes blank.

You can only remember what you did yesterday and absolutely nothing from the last 15 years of your successful career.

You waffle on and on and can’t stop talking because you think if you keep talking you might eventually get to answering the question. Or they might not notice.

The truth is you might be the sixth interview they’ve sat through that day. They’ve heard six people waffle on and not get to the point and that really exciting job slips through your fingers. Hey ho. Another time...

Stop right there

Let’s take a breath and start again. You need the STARIL framework in your life.

What is STARIL?

Applying for jobs and prepping for interviews takes a huge amount of time and energy and the STAR framework is a well known and great way to get your skills and experience in order.

Most people are nervous about interviews so I encourage my clients - and now you, welcome! - to reframe the whole process as an opportunity to showcase their talents, tell the stories they want to tell and, most importantly, to shine! Storytelling is what makes us human so get better at telling good stories well and your new job is within your grasp.

I’ve made the STAR format my own and have added a few more letters to make it more comprehensive.

STAR is an acronym for Situation, Task, Action and Result and is a well known framework for preparing interview responses, especially the ‘Tell me about a time…’ and ‘Give me an example of when you’ve done…’ questions.

In my version I’ve added I for Impact and L for Learning to the end as I think they add value and will help you stand out as a candidate. So STARIL it is and once you’ve got your stories down you can use them again and again. In interviews, on your CV, at networking events, in presentations and speeches.

Where to start?

Scrutinise the job description. What are the essential skills and experience that they’re looking for? Then think about your own career highlights reel. What would go on it? What do you want a future employer to know about you? What projects are you most proud of?

Then marry up what they’re looking for with what you’ve got. What you’re looking to end up with is a one page crib sheet with a skill or competency and a super short prompt much like below that you can take with you into the interview or have on the wall in front of you if you're interviewing online.

But before cribs sheets and interviews you have to put in the hard yards and write your stories out. Use a table like below to help you get into your stride and hopefully by story number three the words will be flowing. Be succinct. Find as much hard evidence as you possibly can. Here’s an example:

My top tips

More is less for the first draft. Just get your thoughts down. However, you will need to edit as the whole point of the exercise is to keep it brief.
Mirror the recruiter’s key words – if what you call ‘account management’ they call ‘stakeholder relations’ call it stakeholder relations. They need to know you speak their language.
Make sure you practice telling these stories. Not in your head, out loud. With a friend or loved one. To the mirror. Or to a coach. Maybe me? More about how I approach CV and interview coaching here .
And finally even if you’re not looking for a job at the moment set aside some time to get your stories down. It will stand you in good stead, I promise. Once you've got some good examples down you can then keep adding to your list as you gain experience. I really wish someone had told me this at the beginning of my career so this is my gift to you. You can also use these stories in your CV – more on CVs here .

So there you have it, STARIL in a nutshell, a brilliant way to help you prepare and succinctly tell compelling stories in interviews.

If you enjoyed reading this blog then here are some more

What makes a great CV?
How to be more confident in interviews
What is coaching and how does it work?

If your CV needs updating find out more about working with me here or join the wait list for CV Club

Is coaching expensive?

Tue, 06 Jul 2021 21:26:31 GMT

No one can afford coaching. Yes I did say that. And I'm a coach. Hear me out...

If you’re considering coaching there is definitely something else that you could spend that money on.

A family day out. Some new clothes. Decorating the house. A holiday.

However if you’re considering coaching, something isn’t quite right. You’ve probably already invested quite a lot of your (precious) time thinking, talking about and exploring some solutions. You might have bought a book or two or signed up to an online webinar. £20 here and there adds up. But something still isn’t right and it’s bothering you.

So you’ve already invested time and money and you haven’t got the answer yet. In fact you might be even more confused.

Is coaching expensive? Well, it's all relative.

Is coaching more expensive than a new top from your favourite high street store? Yes it is. Is coaching more expensive than a holiday? Possibly, depending on how you much you spend on a holiday. The thing is your top and holiday are lovely things to be enjoyed and cherished but that’s about it.

An investment in coaching on the other hand could significantly change your life.

My clients have finally moved to the seaside after procrastinating for years.
My clients have got new jobs with £20k pay rises because they had the confidence to negotiate.
My clients have started businesses from scratch.
My clients have had difficult conversations with difficult bosses and made work better.
My clients have come to me because they felt stuck in a rut and our time together has marked the start of their next chapter.

Some people choose a holiday and some choose to spend on their own self development. Some people choose a new wardrobe and others make a decision to get some help. My clients make a financial and time commitment to their future self knowing that one day they’ll look back and know that that was when things started to change. They’ll know because they were the ones changing it.

I can’t guarantee results because you’re in charge of taking the action and making the changes but I will promise that I’ll be your sounding board and cheerleader. I’ll show up and give you my undivided attention. I’ll hold the space and ask you more questions than you’ve ever been asked.

So is coaching expensive? Yes, I suppose so if you’re comparing it to the cost of a new top. Find out how much I charge here. Is it worth it? 100% but don’t ask me, see what my clients say .

The truth is no one can afford coaching but depending on your current challenge can you afford not to?

If you enjoyed reading this blog then here are some more

What is coaching and how does it work?

You're stuck in a rut and it's time to climb out

Marie Kondo yourself

What is colour analysis and why is it important?

Fri, 28 May 2021 20:42:25 GMT

Simply put colour analysis is knowing which shades of colour look best on you.

The shops are full of colour, maybe your wardrobe too, and getting dressed and shopping becomes so much easier and way more fun when you know which colours suit you best and more importantly which colours to avoid.

Before I knew better I would wear a lot of on trend dove grey and never felt good about myself but persisted because the magazines and the shops were full of it. Equally lots of women wear black because it’s always in fashion and they think it’s slimming.

However, if you knew that your shade of blue or orange would have an even better impact than what the style editors were telling you you’d wear it, wouldn’t you?

When you wear your best colours you will look healthier and younger and, hopefully, feel more confident. When you wear your best colours there will be a sense of harmony about you that other people will notice, comment on and it feels great. You save money because you shop more mindfully which in turn is better for the environment.

As a colour analyst I start by looking at eye colour, natural hair colour, skin tone and personality and then use coloured drapes to work out which season you fall into. Spring and Autumn are the seasons for people with warm skin tones and Summer and Winter for those with cool skin tones. Almost all colours are in each palette, it’s just the shade that changes.

I’m an Autumn. These days I organise my wardrobe by colour, the dove grey has long gone and there’s very little black. I take my colour fan with me everywhere I go and I use it for everything from clothes and accessories to nails and lipstick. Instead I wear lots of red, orange, mustard yellow, khaki and teal and I know how to use this knowledge to wear colours appropriate for different occasions. Red for when I need confidence, blue for trust, green for mediation.

I’d love to say I can I can predict what season you are but I simply can’t. And I’ve really tried. Only the drapes can give me the conclusive answer. So if you’re keen to start looking and feeling your very best then find out more here or book your session here .

If you enjoyed reading this blog then here are some more

How to be more confident in interviews
What is a vision board and how does it work?
Growth mindset and the monthly check in

How to be more confident in interviews

Sun, 31 Jan 2021 19:18:40 GMT

Be honest. How do interviews make you feel? Are you excited to share your experience and expertise or a nervous wreck, worried you’re going to fluff your lines?

Don’t get me wrong, I get nervous, but after the initial hellos and once I find my rhythm I always feel I make the most of the adrenalin surge.

If you’re right for a role and have some great experience to share how you perform on the day simply comes down to confidence.

You can confidently arrive in the (virtual) room
You can confidently present your best self
You can confidently give brilliant competency based examples
You can confidently stop talking, knowing you’ve answered the question well
You can confidently follow up afterwards without cringing

So here are my top eight tips for creating confidence for interviews:

Firstly, congratulations on getting the interview. You’ve already done so well. Big (socially distanced) hugs and pats on the back. Try to celebrate all the small successes during your job search.

2. The interview is where you bring that CV to life. You can show your personality and all the soft behavioural skills that struggle to shine through on paper. So remember to smile, make a bit of small talk before the formal bit begins, ask them how their day has been. All of these will give them a great feel for the real you and will hopefully ease the nerves.

3. Do your homework. Review what you actually wrote on your application. Get the JD and highlight what you think will be their priorities for the role and therefore, questions in the interview. Sometimes the person description outlines essential and desirable skills and attributes so don’t ignore this, it’s there to help you. You need to match up an example from your experience for every single competency. Research the company and the person interviewing you. Look on their Twitter feed for their most up to date news.

4. It’s time to get specific. Generalised waffly answers aren’t going to cut it. Think about projects you been most proud of and what was it that you specifically to make it a success? The STAR format is well known as a framework for responding to competency based questions. It stands for situation, task, action I took and result. I like to add an 'I' at the end for Impact. What impact did this all have on your or the business? Write these STARI stories down and then practice saying them out loud either to yourself or a willing volunteer. Record yourself and watch it back noticing how many times you say ‘um’ or ‘kind of’ and then practice it all again. I then suggest you make a simple one page crib sheet of these stories that you can stick on the wall in front of your monitor (assuming it’s an online interview) for reference.

5. Fit is often a word used during a recruitment process. A recruiter is looking for someone who is a good fit for the role and the team. You can enhance this expectation by telling them what you will 'add' too. What are you bringing that they might not already have? What skills or experience do you have that is interesting or unique?

6. Choose something comfortable to wear that makes you feel amazing. I’d also recommend trying on some colour. Colour psychology is fascinating and can work wonders both for you and those interviewing you - red can symbolise energy and strength, yellow warmth and positivity. Blue is the world’s favourite colour and can symbolise trust and can be very calming. You don’t have to go head to toe in colour. Just something to help you stand out on screen and be more memorable.

7. Follow up with an email thanking them for their time and that you’re looking forward to hearing back from them. You’ve got nothing to lose and it might just be the thing that tips the balance in your favour.

And finally for nerves and mindset I highly recommend two things – having an affirmation to motivate you and visualising the interview going brilliantly. Both can play a really positive part in the whole preparation process. See my recent blog all about affirmations here and learn all about and download my free guided visualisation here .

Good luck with your preparation! If you'd like some extra help then check out this page and get in touch if you'd like to hear more.

If you enjoyed reading this blog then here are some more

What makes a great CV?

What is a vision board and how does it work?

What is coaching and how does it work?

How to use STAR to answer interview questions brilliantly

If your CV needs updating find out more about working with me here or join the wait list for CV Club .

Make affirmations work for you

Sun, 24 Jan 2021 20:18:05 GMT

Affirmations. Some people love them. Others less so. I’m a fan. Mostly because they’re harmless, cost nothing and have huge potential.

An affirmation is simply a positive statement. An assertion that something is true. It should inspire and motivate you and attract what you want.

You see we don’t talk to ourselves very nicely. We say much more positive things to our friends, colleagues and pets and that needs to change. That little voice inside our head isn’t rational. It’s the ancient part of our brain that is trying to keep us safe from harm. It isn’t go anywhere so we have to learn how to manage it.

Which is where affirmations come in.

My house is full of them. Little messages my family and I see every day that are subconsciously working their magic.

So if this week looks like it might be a challenge, you want to change something or feel a little more optimistic then create your own affirmation. What have you got to lose?

Write it down morning and evening. Before every meeting. Say it out loud every time you boil the kettle or in your head while brushing your teeth. And then notice what you notice.

My affirmation for this week is ‘I will stay calm even in the midst of chaos’ - what’s yours?

What is a vision board and how does it work?

Tue, 19 Jan 2021 20:00:11 GMT

Everything you need to create a vision board for your year.

January 2021 may not feel like quite the right time to create a vision board.

Everything is up in the air. We’ve all been commanded to stay at home, work at home, socialise at home, eat at home and educate our kids at home so you might be wondering what relevance does a vision board have in this kind of environment?

Well, I personally think it’s needed now more than ever. This will end, so while I’m waiting for that to happen my vision board is inspiring me. And when it does end, my vision board will both inspire and steer me.

What is a vision board?

Put simply a vision board gets your ideas, dreams and aspirations out of your head and brings them to life in full technicolour. If you have super clear goals then it’s the perfect compliment. If you don’t then it’s a great place to start.

I have a very visual learning style so I need to see the future rather than just think it. Visualisation and manifestation are really powerful mindset tools. If you can see what you want every day then, subconsciously, things will start to happen.

And I have a feeling it’ll motivate you way more than your annual work appraisal.

If you’ve been looking for a reason to do those things that you really want to do then I think everything that has happened in 2020 is that thing. 2021 is currently a blank sheet and you’re in charge.

How to create a vision board

My vision board is for life as a whole. There’s always a beautiful beach and crystal clear waters to remind me where I feel most relaxed along with words and images that align with my coaching aspirations. If this doesn’t come easily to you consider your answers to the questions below:

What direction do you want to take in 2021?
What do you want to change?
What would you do if nothing got in the way?
Who is part of your 2021?
What would be your top priority above all else?
What would take you out of your comfort zone?
What energises you?
What makes you happy?
What do you really, really want?
What needs your attention?
How do you want to feel?
If 2021 was a colour what would it be?

Your vision board can represent both your end goals and the steps you need to take in between. It can be personal or work related or a bit of both. You can get images from newspapers and magazines or off the internet. You can draw and write. It’s a chance to be creative when maybe your day job has had all the creativity squeezed out of it.

Your vision board is as unique as you are so please never, ever, compare your masterpiece to anyone else’s.

Getting started

Gather together old magazines, a large piece of paper or card (A3 is a great size), glue and scissors
Set aside at least an hour to flick through
Go with your gut instinct – and cut out everything that talks to you. You can always edit later.
When you think you’ve got enough then lay it out, take a step back and look at what you’ve got. As long as it means something to you then that’s all that counts.
Stick it all down and put your board where you’ll see it every day.

There are no set rules apart from parking your embarrassment and embracing your inner child.

Don’t think about it too much. Flick through and rip out words and images that speak to you.

Aim for a big pile and then you can edit to what feels right.

If you don’t have any magazines you can use Pinterest or create a board in PowerPoint.

You can’t mess it up because there are no rules. It’s as unique as you are. So get sticking.

Then what?

You put your vision board where you will see it. Subconsciously it’ll have a huge impact on where you focus your attention.

Every. Single. Day.

Mine is in my office. My friend’s is in her car and she looks at it when she’s at traffic lights. A client stuck hers inside a kitchen cupboard door.

And if the kids want to get involved the more the merrier. Get them involved in creating their own too. If they can get into the positive habit of seeing – and creating - their future then all the better.

I can’t promise a specific outcome for this exercise but I do know that when you state your intentions, visualise your dreams and take responsibility for the change you want to see amazing things really do happen.

If you don’t think you can do this on your own but really want to create some positive change in 2020 then email me hello@emilybal.co.uk for more information about coaching with me.

My thoughts on 2020, a truly extraordinary year

Wed, 06 Jan 2021 16:27:16 GMT

As a coach I encourage all my clients to adopt a growth mindset, to always learn from the ups and downs of life and to both look back and look forward in equal measure. And at the end of every year I share my learnings in the form of a list. This year, however, has been altogether different so instead you get my artistic interpretation instead.

The style was borrowed from my son's year 2 home learning project where he was asked to create a 'happy newspaper' much like the one Emily Coxhead produces . I played along and 15 weeks later I finally stopped producing my own lockdown newsletter for friends and family.

In 2020 I realised I absolutely love drawing with fine liners and the physical act of sitting down every week to produce something that people were expecting (I got messages when publication was a little late and desperate pleas to reconsider when I decided to stop) really helped my own mental health in lockdown #1.

So, I hope you enjoy reading this summary as much as I enjoyed writing and drawing it.

Happy New Year!

Time for your annual review!

Sun, 13 Dec 2020 13:22:43 GMT

If this statement brings you out in a cold sweat and memories of a time-wasting, tick box exercise with a boss who hardly knows your name then please read on as it just doesn’t have to be this way.

But first we will reframe.

We’ve been reviewed all our lives. From the red baby book monitoring our height and weight to termly school reports and the dreaded appraisal. Checking in and checking off progress, love it or hate it, is a part of life.

We expect to have regular reviews at work but why hasn’t this translated for life as a whole?

Why don’t we prioritise thinking about the things that are most important to us, what it will take to make progress in those areas and then create a plan? Why do the boring work projects get that level of scrutiny and we leave the rest of our lives to chance?

Bronnie Ware was a palliative care nurse who wrote a book called ‘The top five regrets of the dying’ and the top regret was this:

At the end of their lives, when time had run out, most of the people Ware cared for realised how many of their dreams had gone unfulfilled.

No one aims for it to be this way. If you think back to the day you left school, graduated from university or started your first 'proper' job it was probably a mixture of absolute terror and excited anticipation. This was when life was going to begin!

There are the ups and the downs. The life changing promotions. The births and the deaths. Life speeds up.

And then you find yourself at 40, 50 or 60 years old wondering when you're ever going to find the time to do those things that you really want to do that aren't part of the day job. Those pipe dreams that won't go away but never get to the top of the pile.

If you’re reading this and nodding but are looking for a sign to make the changes you desire then I'd suggest a global pandemic is it. Now is the time. What is braver than stating what you really, really want and then every year going after it? With intent. And a clear plan.

It's time for your annual review !

I promise my review is insightful, fun and useful. I've deliberately not given you masses of space to write to keep you focused and moving forward. Just print it out , put pen to paper and then keep it close for the next 365 days.

I t’s my Christmas gift to you and it's yours, for free, right here .

What is coaching and how does it work?

Sun, 06 Dec 2020 16:09:04 GMT

Them: So, what do you do?

Me: I help middle aged people - mostly women, but not exclusively - realise how extraordinary they are so they know they can take control, create balance and be happy. I think I have the best job in the world!

Them: Oh, so what do you actually do ?

Me: Well…

The history of coaching

If you’re anything like me until five years ago the word ‘coach’ conjured up an image of tracksuits, whistles and sporting events. Or posh buses.

Back in the 1970s life coaching drew inspiration from sport and the methodologies then evolved throughout the 80s. The real tipping point was when business coaching took off in the mid 1990s.

Coaching became a way of developing people in business. There was no longer such a thing as a job for life. The workforce was on the move, looking for the best opportunities, and businesses realised that sending someone on a training course wasn’t always enough. Coaching, however, was great at helping consolidate the learning.

By 2004 coaching had emerged as a distinct profession and now, in 2020, every other person on social media seems to be a coach of some sort.

This doesn’t worry me. In fact, it excites me because never has the time been better to take a good hard look at yourself and your life and make some decisions about which way you want it to go. And the best thing is there are loads of amazing coaches out there. Every coach is different, we all have different interests and niches and use a variety of tools and approaches.

Some people can do this kind of reflection easily on their own. They set goals, take charge of their life and career, are happy and thriving.

Whereas others can’t. They know that something is wrong but they just can’t put their finger on what it is. Or they know exactly what’s wrong but they go round and round in circles trying to figure it all out and get stuck and frustrated. And they find that working with someone else helps them see things differently and achieve far greater clarity.

What coaching is

I will answer this from my personal point of view because all coaches have their own approach. Conversations with me are led by my clients. They are energising, empowering and focus on getting stuff done. They are always confidential.

There is no script.

Each coaching session is different from the last. As a coach I listen and respond. In some sessions I hardly talk at all. I’m just there as a sounding board. In others I ask lots and lots of questions and when a client thinks there surely can’t be another question, I normally ask another.

I might challenge my clients on what they’re saying or how they’re saying it because we’re all full of beliefs and assumptions that aren’t always true. Here's how this shows up...

I help my clients break down their goals into manageable pieces. They might have an ‘Aha!’ moment when the lightbulbs go off and everything makes sense. Or it might be more subtle than that.

I don’t hold my clients accountable for actions that they don’t take, instead I try and help them understand what it was that got in the way. When I’m pure coaching I don’t give advice either because when we find out something for ourselves it’s much stronger than if we’re told it.

My clients leave sessions energised and excited. That problem doesn’t seem quite so big now and they know how they are going to tackle it with clarity and confidence. Their successes are all their own because they've taken the action to make it happen. And I'm on the sidelines cheering them on every step of the way.

What coaching isn't

Coaching isn’t therapy. I am not qualified as a counsellor and therefore it would be very dangerous to support someone who actually needs to unlock something from their past in order to move forward. Sometimes clients press pause with me to go into therapy and come back when they’re ready to take some positive action.

Coaching isn’t mentoring either. You’d get a mentor if you wanted to be told what to do and learn from someone who has been there and done that. Mentors may also use coaching techniques.

Coaching is as unique as you are. That’s what makes it so brilliant. Coaching is a chance to take some time to put yourself at the centre of your world, decide what's important and needs action and then do something about it.

And that’s why I have the best job in the world.

Them: Right

Me: Have I answered your question?

If you'd like to learn more about me and how I became a coach then click here

If you'd like to learn more about my approach then click here

Growth mindset and the monthly check in

Mon, 30 Nov 2020 07:14:34 GMT

When was the last time you checked in with yourself to honestly reflect on how things are going?

I'm not talking about your annual work review or the occasional deep and meaningful conversation you might have with with friends or a partner. I'm talking about a pragmatic sense check. Can't remember? Well there's no time like the present.

In the video below I introduce the idea that checking in at the end of every month is a great habit to get into. Reflect on and write down your responses to these four questions:

What went well this month?
What didn’t go so well?
What did you learn?
What’s your priority for next month?

And, since it's the end of the year, if you're ready for your annual check out then download My Extraordinary Plan for FREE from the orange banner at the top of this page or email hello@emilybal.co.uk for your copy.

What makes a great CV?

Sat, 14 Nov 2020 18:51:35 GMT

Eight insights from reviewing fifteen strangers' CVs

Back in October 2020 (before Covid-19 lockdown #2 and the never ending election) I offered up ten CV clinic spots to help in a particularly worrying and rubbish year for job seekers.

I love helping people realise their potential, have loads of experience interviewing and recruiting and knew I could make a difference as an impartial thought provoker so knew I was going to enjoy it. Little did I realise how much.

LinkedIn delivered and in the end I spoke to 15 amazing people about their hopes and dreams and the work they want to do. Job seeking is a multi-faceted beast and having a standout CV is just one, albeit very important, part of that. This is what I learnt…

1. Simple changes can make the world of difference. If you think of your CV as simply a business case for why you should get the job then everything that goes in - and especially in the first half of the first page - will be enriching that case. Your phone number and email address isn’t going to get you the job so move it to the bottom of page two. They’ll find it when they need it. Getting your top skills and proudest achievements – that match what they’re looking for (see point 3 below) - to the top of page one under your profile statement is your number one priority.

2. Save the soft behavioural skills for interview. Your business case needs less of the fluff and more of the technical skills and competencies that will prove you can do the job. We’re all passionate, hard working and great with people and you can demonstrate this at interview but first you need to get shortlisted.

3. You will amend and adapt your CV for every single role. Yes, really. Don’t think that because you’ve spent hours perfecting it that you’ve ticked one thing off your job seeking list. You will have to mirror and match the key words from the advert and job description every time. Key words are also what Applicant Tracking Systems use to scan and filter CVs before a human ever sets eyes on them. The number of people who were shocked by this fact was, quite frankly, shocking. It’s time to beat the bots people!

4. Make your CV flow and easy to read. Before I even read a single word I could see what we could do to improve the formatting for every CV I looked at. It’s about balance. Choose bolding, underlining or italicising but don’t do all three. Use one type of bullet point throughout. Line dividers can also help. Less is more and all that. And don’t expect anyone to hunt around for that really amazing thing that you did halfway down page two. If it’s that good put it into the skills and achievements section to give it the credit it deserves.

5. You’re all too modest. Your CV is a sales pitch. Open up the thesaurus and use the most powerful verbs and adjectives that you can find. Get into the detail. Use facts and figures to back up your claims. ‘I achieved 35% growth in my category’ sounds so much better than ‘Successfully grew my category’ don’t you think? If you balanced a big budget, how big was it? If you’re an expert in nurturing multi-functional teams, then list out all the disciplines! Store this information and update your CV as you go.

6. Take the credit! ‘But I’m a team player,’ I hear you say, ‘There’s no I in team, Emily.’ Modern workplaces need us all to work in teams but this recruiter isn’t looking for a team they want an individual who can do what they say they can do. So use active sentences – ‘I initiated…’, ‘I designed and delivered…’, ‘I project managed..’ – to give yourself a voice that positively reinforces all the amazing things you have achieved.

7. Two pages for the win. Please put yourself in the recruiter’s shoes. I’ve had to wade through 200 CVs before now and it’s hard work. Which is why the first half of your first page is so important. Chances are the rest will just be skimmed over. If you do have more to say, a portfolio to share or academic papers to list then update LinkedIn or build a personal website where you can lay it out in all its glory. For your CV highlight the ones that are most relevant and reference your digital home.

8. Unconscious bias is a thing. A number of people were worried that their age was stopping them from being selected. You can help yourself here. If you want to include some of your early experience because it is relevant for the role but gives away your age then remove the dates and put them succinctly under an ‘Early career’ title. And if you’re reading this and you’re a recruiter then get someone to take away as much identifiable information as possible. Your perfect and highly experienced candidate might be the person you never notice because of your unconscious bias.

I could go on but that’s for another time.

This is now a thing for me. After 15 conversations I realised that I needed a shorter term offering because not everyone needs or wants coaching. Sometimes a quick injection of tangible support and positivity at a time when doubt and fear is setting in is all you need and that’s what I’m here for.

If your CV needs updating find out more about working with me here or join the wait list for CV Club

If you enjoyed this post here are some more

How to use the STAR acronym to prepare for interviews

How to be more confident in interviews

You’re stuck in a rut and it’s time to climb out

Wed, 28 Oct 2020 19:40:16 GMT

Assumptions and fear can keep you rooted to the spot. Time for all that to change. I'm going to dispel some myths and share four things you can do to get moving again.

I meet so many women who feel stuck.

Stuck being a person they don’t recognise. Stuck in jobs they don’t want to be in.

Some are stay at home mums. Others are high flyers in the city. Some are trying to get into work. Or they love what they do but wonder if there’s more to life.

Feeling stuck really can strike at any time. And it’s a horrible, paralysing feeling. It can be all consuming. Whatever confidence you had goes out the window and you’re left in a state limbo – not satisfied with the here and now yet no idea which way to turn.

I believe there are two main factors in play. Assumptions and the fear of failure.

Assume, verb - suppose to be the case, without proof

What are you assuming that is holding you back? What are you assuming that keeps you in the rut and stops you climbing out?

We all assume things every day about people and situations and they can have a huge impact on our lives. They’re powerful. They work at a sub conscious level and their roots are deeply entrenched in our childhood experiences.

How often do you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t do that’ or ‘I’m such a perfectionist’? Assumptions like these, also known as limiting beliefs, set boundaries. They hold you back and block your way and, more often than not, have no right to be there in the first place.

You see assumptions are unfounded. They’re not true. Sometimes made up. Incomplete. Your mind tells you things and, over time, you start to believe it.

And the only way forward is to challenge them.

All. The. Time.

Take away their power. Question yourself. Is this a fact? Is this my belief or someone else’s? Where did I learn this from? How is this assumption helping me/hindering me?

And slowly but surely your mindset will change. You’ll find yourself enquiring about that promotion rather than instantly dismissing it because you will no longer assume it’s been earmarked for someone else. You’ll call that friend you’ve lost touch with because you will no longer assume that she’s too busy or doesn’t like you anymore.

Failure is not the opposite of success

The other factor is our relationship with failure. It's time to start celebrating it. It’s not the opposite of success. In fact, it’s a huge part of it. Getting things wrong is the best way to grow and learn but there’s still such a stigma around it.

And fear of failure can keep us stuck in the rut for a very long time. You might know exactly what needs to change and how you’re going to do it yet you’re paralysed by the assumption that it’s all going to go wrong. So you do nothing. And then nothing changes.

As Thomas Edison, the inventor of the first electric lightbulb, famously said:

Edison's attitude was the epitome of the growth mindset, which is the belief that we all have the capacity and capability to grow. We can all learn from our mistakes and be a better person as a result.

So with that in mind here are four things you can do to develop your growth mindset and help you feel less stuck:

Just start
Take a tiny step towards huge goal and notice how you feel. We get stuck in indecision and inaction because our ambitions are overwhelming. But if you break a goal down into all the component parts and then commit to doing just one small thing you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ve then moved onto the next thing on the list.

Choose a priority
Women are said to be great at multitasking because it’s a muscle we’ve been flexing for years but it’s just not the answer. I say it’s time to down tools and focus on having some focus. The word priority was never meant to be a plural. Crazy to think in our busy world of managing multiple priorities. So this week try this. Prioritise. Do one task at a time, really well and with all the energy and intention that you've got. And then notice what you notice. My bet is your sense of achievement will go sky high and you will more than likely get more done in the long run.

See the positive in the negative
We learn more from when things go wrong than when it all goes to plan. Take some time to think about some of your biggest cock ups and write them down. Acknowledge how it feels just acknowledging them. Then alongside each write down what wisdom you now have and what you’d do differently if it happened again.

Finish something every day
Write it down on a scrap of paper or in a fancy journal. It doesn’t matter. Just acknowledge what you’ve achieved and pat yourself on the back. It might start with something small but I can assure you you’ll be surprised by how quickly your successes grow.

Let me be your cheerleader

Sat, 03 Oct 2020 18:23:30 GMT

October is a funny month. Not funny ha ha, just funny, strange. A no man’s land.

The bit between the long days of summer and long nights of winter. Schools are back in full swing(ish). We still have a few weeks until half term. For many it’s way too early to think about Christmas.

My five year diary is reminding me I do new things in October.

Last year I was planning and marketing a new set of workshops as well as going sober. Alas the second aspiration only lasted a week but the workshops in November went brilliantly well.

In 2018, my diary tells me I declared it ‘My Month With Ted’, when I committed to watching a Ted talk a day to open up my world and take in some new perspectives.

I clearly like time-based activities and I feel it’s time for another.

We’re living through a really rough time. Since March we have been asked to live our lives in a way that none of us ever imagined. We stayed at home and put rainbows in our windows. We clapped every Thursday on our doorsteps. Our children were home schooled and the roads fell silent. We learnt what the word furlough meant.

This October my priority is to be more useful and when thinking about how this might manifest I realised that I want to share something that is easy for me that others might find difficult. Something that is in my zone of genius.

I’m brilliant at bigging other people up when they don’t have the courage or the words to say it themselves. I also love copy editing. I’ve shortlisted, interviewed, recruited and managed successful teams. I’m now an experienced coach and have helped numerous people with their career transformations. I’m the ultimate cheerleader.

My offer is to review ten CVs in October. First come, first served. Totally free.

Having an up to date and memorable CV is a small but important step in the job seeking process. It means you’re ready to pounce on the next opportunity that comes your way. It means you can be proactive when a role isn’t being advertised. And having someone impartial review, listen and help you take some positive action feels like the least I can do.

My support will be tailored and will most definitely include a full proof read and review of your existing content and layout. We might then rework your personal statement, flesh out your experience or add in some highlights. You’ll come away with both a new CV and a greater self confidence in your extraordinary talents.

So if you, or someone you know, is furloughed, out of work, in work but looking to move, looking for new work but having no luck, been made redundant or just ready for a change all you have to do is send your CV to hello@emilybal.co.uk and we can get started. Easy as that.

You don’t know this yet…

Fri, 18 Sep 2020 16:37:53 GMT

Writing a letter to your younger self is an opportunity to face the past head on to unlock the future. Letting go of negative feelings that could be holding you back is also great for gaining clarity too.

In our ever-digital world of texts, likes and emojis, I feel the art of letter writing still has a valid place, will hopefully have a revival and can be a really cathartic exercise.

This is your opportunity to reassure your younger self with the knowledge and empathy that you now have. Give yourself some love, forgive yourself if you need to, forgive others and write everything that needs to be said. Be kind to yourself. Be the voice of encouragement that you needed back then.

This is my letter to 19 year old Emily…

18 September 2020

Dear 19 year old Emily

You don’t know this yet but you are going to absolutely love living in the North West (despite the rain) and being at Manchester University. Just please don’t start every Fresher’s Week conversation with ‘I’ve been on a gap year!’. You have to trust me on this one.

You’re going to meet some of your best friends over the next few years. In 20 years’ time you’ll still very much be in each other’s lives. The ups and the downs and the roundabouts. Your girlfriends are so important. Never stop checking in, meeting up and laughing together.

You will feel so confused about academia. The Head of Combined Studies is going to look after you in a few weeks when you’re thinking about quitting and reassure you that all is going to be ok. His calming presence during this time is going to stay with you forever and you’re going to pay it forward again and again over your life.

When you get onto the course that you like please read the text before the lecture. Just do it. This philosophy will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life. Be prepared for whatever you’re up against and you’ll do it so much better than if you try to wing it.

Try and avoid the Ulysses module if you can. Instead seek out more sociology and psychology courses – you’re fascinated by people and what makes them tick. You’ll often feel out of your depth but you’ll get through and do well. One day you’ll discover vocational learning and it’ll change your world. You’ll take control and work will never feel like work again.

Your mum will always be at the end of the phone. But don’t just call her when you need something. One day she’ll get a mobile phone and only send you text messages with all the emojis and you’ll miss hearing her voice.

You have a great life ahead of you, Emily. Your time in Manchester is just the start. Remember to take responsibility for what comes next and then go for it with all the energy and creativity that you have. You can do anything!

Lots of love

Emily, age 42

So what would you write?

What are the words of wisdom you now know that you wish you’d known then?

What advice did you seek but never find?

What support back then might have changed how things are today?

And when you’re ready just start…Dear younger me, you don’t know this yet but…

Marie Kondo yourself

Tue, 26 Feb 2019 14:22:07 GMT

What can we learn from the master of tidying up?

I just love everything about Marie Kondo.

A few years ago a friend pointed me in the direction of her book ‘The Life Changing Magic of Tidying’ and since then the question ‘does this spark joy?’ is used in every aspect of my life.

After I’d inhaled the book, piles of clutter disappeared almost overnight and everything found its rightful home. Bags of clothes went to pastures new and everything left behind was folded the KonMari way.

It felt amazing. I felt lighter. I was invincible. I could do anything I put my mind to.

Now Marie Kondo is on NetFlix and I think I love her even more because she’s everything that I’m not.

Diminutive, immaculately dressed and softly spoken.

And like Super Nanny and Trinny and Susannah before her she goes into people’s homes and helps them. The only difference she’s not there for feisty children or shapeless clothes. But clutter.

Stuff.

Loads and loads of stuff that we accumulate and think we can’t live without but in keeping it our homes feel overbearing, cramped and messy.

And what I’ve noticed is that while decluttering their homes Marie Kondo’s clients are also decluttering themselves. Saying farewell to things that held little more than memories (and not always good ones) means that they a creating both physical and head space for the things that really matter.

As a coach I’m often told that just having someone to talk things through with is a great release. I’m an impartial sounding board and,unlike a dear friend, am listening to understand and not respond with my own story.

My clients often arrive at sessions feeling frantic and overwhelmed. Everything that needs their attention feels urgent and important.

Work. Home. Family. Health. Money.

The list is unique to them and seemingly never ending.

They’re desperate to know where to start so that they can feel they’re both making headway and creating more balance.

And by talking things through, identifying priorities and making a clear plan they’ve decluttered and Marie Kondo’d themselves and leave a much happier human being.

A recent client can testify:

‘As a full time working mum with two young children, a high pressure job and a partner trying to fit studying for a degree around his full time job, I was sinking under the pressure of it all. Emily helped me work out what I wanted, prioritise and plan how I was going to achieve my goals.

For anyone feeling blocked, overwhelmed or just struggling to sort some stuff on their own, I’d highly recommend coaching with Emily. It’s amazing what momentum you can build with a little help to unlock a different way of thinking!

As a result of the coaching I feel calmer, more balanced, and more confident that I can make change and achieve more goals in my personal life. I feel hopeful and positive and empowered.’

If you’d like to get more organised and feeling calmer this Spring I am running an online programme for LifeClubs from 10th March . We have a few early bird tickets left and I’d love you to join me.

My word for 2019

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Fri, 11 Jan 2019 11:08:53 GMT

There I was merrily asking people on my Instagram feed (@life.work.balanced) to come up with a word for 2019 and little did I realise that committing to just one word, to last a whole year, would send me into a spin. Luckily I found one that I love.

Well this has been really hard.

Well done to those who just knew.

I loved getting a tiny insight into other people’s dreams. We had ‘kindness’, ‘faith’, ‘brave’, 'share', 'try' and 'equanimity'. I admit I had to ask what the last one meant and have been enlightened. Someone also submitted believe and that is where my own story begins.

My first instinct was 'believe'. But when I really gave it some thought I realised I was already a believer. I believe in myself and my abilities and in the coaching process. I believe that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to, I just need the tools to make it happen. So if not believe, then what?

When I did https://yearcompass.com/ my words for 2018 were 'fulfilled', 'loved', 'organised'. So, whatever I landed on needed to evolve from there.

Maybe 'brave'. Or was I just copying because, let’s face it, who doesn’t want to be that little bit braver? But I think I’m quite a brave person. I’ll say yes when others say no. This year I found myself standing in a room full of strangers talking passionately about growth mindset and all because I was brave and put myself out there. 'Brave' is a good word but I don’t think it’s mine this year.

I was then listening to Richard Reed, formally of Innocent and now of Jam Jar Investments, talking on a podcast about what all small businesses need and he mentioned 'ambition' along with 'altruism'. Do I need to be ambitious this year? Of course I do. I want my coaching business to grow. I want to be in demand. I want to fill what time I have with fulfilling work. Ambition. Ambitious. But to have it as a word to sum up my whole year didn’t sit well. It didn’t feel very ‘me’. It went on the reject pile.

As did 'emerge', 'create' and 'cultivate'. All great words. Just not me for 2019.

I needed something more ambitious (!) that was a more active word that would inspire me and spur me on and would become part of my language and mindset. A word that would excite me as much in January as it would in October.

It was my husband who suggested 'achieve'. But it made me feel like I was filling in an appraisal. That led to a very simple 'do'. And then 'proactive'. And 'exceed'. Now we were getting somewhere.

I really liked 'exceed'. As in exceed expectations. My own and those of my clients.

And 'excel'. But didn’t want the year to be connected to a spreadsheet. I really hate spreadsheets.

So from here I landed on 'shine'. And it’s stuck.

How it's going to work for me is below the big shiny image...

There are a few definitions…

To give out a bright light – I want to radiate everything that I now stand for. To live a successful, balanced and fulfilled life that I am in control of. To be 100% myself 100% of the time.

To be very talented and perform well – I will learn more about coaching and myself to be a better version of myself. I want to be the best coach I can be.

So my word for 2019 is 'shine'.

I’ll leave you with some pop lyrics.

Take That said it well.

So, come on, oh, come on, get it on
Don't know what you're waiting for
Your time is coming don't be late, hey hey
So come on
See the light on your face
Let it shine
Just let it shine
Let it shine.

And as did Rhianna sang.

So shine bright tonight you and I
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky
Eye to eye so alive
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Shine bright like a diamond
Shine bright like a diamond
Shining bright like a diamond
We're beautiful like diamonds in the sky

Ten things I learnt in 2018

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 11:17:58 GMT

Last year was 365 days long and I evolved. We all did. Some things went well and others didn't. Here are some learnings that will help make me an even better version of myself in 2019.

1. I’ve learnt to trust my gut instinct. I’ve always known this is strong in me but this year I learnt the hard way. I chose not to question something that was niggling me and as a result there was an awful moment of embarrassment followed by outrage and anger that I never, ever, want to feel again. If something doesn’t feel right then I will follow that feeling, ask questions and trust that the feeling is right.

2. I’ve learnt that I’m very happy (and relieved) to have found my purpose. And I’ve also learnt that my purpose will continue to evolve. In its broadest sense I want to help people realise how extraordinary they are. For years I was searching for the ‘thing’ while jumping from job to job, hoping that the next leap would be the enlightening one. I wondered if I’d find it in my sewing which I love but alas no. Holly Tucker refers to her purpose as the ‘Golden Thread of Life’ in her Conversations of Inspiration podcast with Deliciously Ella founder, Ella Mills. This golden thread is linked to her purpose and as long as it’s present all is ok. Through the good times and the not so good times. It’s what links everything together.

3. I’ve learnt that learning most definitely doesn’t have to come from books. It’s 2018. The way that we receive and process information has changed. I’ve listened to some inspiring podcasts and my month with TedTalks in October was enlightening. I’ve also inhaled books, articles and blogs. I have learnt from some amazing coaches and most recently a business mentor. My advice to you is to not compare yourself to others (see point 8) and find what works best for you. So to fit it all in I listen to podcasts on my runs and read books when I travel on the tube.

4. I’ve learnt that when I put my mind to something, I give it my all. This autumn I made it back to a weight where I feel my most confident. Everyone has their number. It’s unique to them. And no one else ever has the right to question to it. Body confidence plays such a key role in my life. I walk taller, feel happier and truly believe I can achieve anything.

5. I’ve learnt that I’m a natural facilitator. Defined as ‘a person or thing that makes an action or process easy or easier’ I can identify with it all. Whether it be for work or play I love bringing people together to get stuff done. It plays to my strengths of being organised and straight talking. What’s the problem we’re trying to solve? What are our options? Who can help? I rarely get overwhelmed. I love being useful and busy.

6. I also realised I really like playing host. My husband and I had a big party this year to celebrate 40th birthdays and 10 years being married. We loved having our nearest and dearest all together to celebrate and dance the night away. But it doesn’t have to be a big party. I’m as happy bringing old friends together in my kitchen as I am making new connections through networking.

7. I’ve learnt to be brave. This time last year my goals were all about finding my voice through writing. Little did I think I’d be both using my voice for real doing talks in co-working spaces, hosting training days and going live on social media. The thought of going in front of the camera terrified me but when you know what you’re talking about and are passionate about it, it can actually be lots of fun.

8. I’ve learnt not to compare myself to anyone else. Either in real life or online. Single images rarely tell the whole story. We’re all unique. I feel people are genuinely curious about coaching and that this interest is often followed with a suck of air through the teeth and ‘…but there are so many coaches out there…’. Well, yes. There are. But there’s only one of me. And I’m the right coach for someone, somewhere. If we all worked to this philosophy then we would never have enjoyed the iconic music of Michael Jackson, acting talents of Dame Judi Dench or sportsmanship of Roger Federer as there are millions of wannabe musicians, actors and sportsmen out there don’t you know…

9. I’ve learnt that everyone procrastinates. Even coaches. We’re only human after all, as Rag’n’bone man sang. I know I really should floss. I’ve done every single exercise in my armoury to overcome it but I just can’t make it a habit. I’m ok with it. Am not sure my dentist feels the same way.

10. And finally, I’ve learnt that if I want something (anything) to change in my life then I have to take responsibility for making it happen. It could be the biggest transformation or the smallest step but to assume that anyone else gives a monkeys is just plain naïve. This year I took control and created the change I wanted to see and it felt good.

What have you learnt from 2018 that you can use to your advantage in 2019?

Why some achievements seem greater than others

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Wed, 03 Oct 2018 13:11:35 GMT

As I clapped the amazing runners home at the Ealing Half Marathon on Sunday it got me thinking about achievements and what it means to achieve something.

I did the half last year and I can’t say I enjoyed it much. It felt like a great achievement when I finally crossed the finish line but I immediately countered that feeling with a bunch of ‘what ifs’.

I wish I done more hill training, I should have run fasted like I did on my training runs.

How did a coach like me run 13 miles with such a negative mindset. If I’d had believed I could enjoy it then I would have enjoyed it. Instead I ran screaming ‘I can’t do this. This is too hard’ both in my head and out loud when I passed my supporters.

I should have started towards the back of the field and therefore not had people overtaking me the whole way round which was a psychological killer.

The list went on and on.

As it was, I finished in a memorable 2 hours 22 minutes. So why am I down playing what was actually a great achievement for a busy, 39 year old mum of three young children?

And this then got me thinking about what I’ve done in my life that I’m really, really proud of. If running a half marathon didn’t feel like a great achievement for me, then what does?

My marriage. Yes. Those three kids. Of course. Work... (scratches head)

And I realised that one of my greatest work achievements actually had nothing to do with work work at all.

It was wasn’t to do with leading the team or delivering the strategy or designing a sparkling campaign. It was a tiny side project where I took charge of transforming a dumping ground at the end of the office - depressingly known by all as The Graveyard - and making it into a useable breakout meeting space that we all desperately needed.

Everyone loved to complain about The Graveyard but no one did anything about it.

We were hoarding decades worth of rubbish there because no one thought they had enough time to decide if it was worth keeping or was brave enough to throw it away/recycle it/find it a permanent home.

And because it was ok to just leave things there it got worse and worse.

So i can only blame it on the nesting period of my third pregnancy when I took this tiny (but equally huge) project on because the area made me feel sad and because it was, quite frankly, embarrassing. I could see the potential in that bleak, unloved space.

So I pulled together a small team, we met, we planned, we collaborated, we consulted and slowly (very slowly) the space started to change.

And then I had my baby six weeks early and I remember sending a message from my hospital bed begging the team to keep up the momentum as we were so close to getting it finished.

And a few months later I took my tiny baby into work to show him off and I’ll never forget seeing three separate groups using the new space exactly as I’d imagined it.

The clutter had gone.

The new furniture was exactly that, new.

It was buzzing and so was I.

So, what made this feel like such a great achievement?

It only happened because I made it happen. It wasn’t one of my objectives but something told me it was important. We weren’t getting pay rises or bonuses so small things like this, that made doing your job easier, more enjoyable, made a big difference.

It was so tangible. A place so grim we called it The Graveyard was transformed into a vibrant, usable workspace. The new furniture was colourful. The organisation had invested in the space that we spent eight hours a day in. We felt a little bit more valued.

I've learnt that achievements come in all shapes and sizes and something I’m starting to recognise is that you might be surprised by the ones that you value most.

So, maybe take some time this week to think about what achievement you’re most proud of and why and be warned, it might not be the obvious thing.

And then use it - maybe when you’re making small talk at a networking event or when you are asked about achievements in an interview or have to think of something in one of those slightly awkward away day ice breakers. And notice how it makes you feel talking about it as well as how it is received.

Here's to being 40...

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Sat, 09 Jun 2018 14:35:32 GMT

...and how I know the best is yet to come

As often happens when a big birthday comes around I’ve been doing a bit of reflecting.

40

What the...?

When did that happen?

I think we all have milestone ages that help us anchor time. And looking back now they’re often periods of change and discomfort followed by contentment and stability.

So I've been thinking about what the story of my life looks like so far...

I was born on 9 June 1978. I am the youngest of four children. My dad was a local GP and was in his surgery looking after his sick patients while my mother took herself to hospital to have me. Apparently that was normal back then.

I was nine when I moved schools and this is when my solid memories really start. I remember feeling nervous and new but then finding my feet and making friends.

I moved schools again when I was 16. Back to the anxiety but this time mixed with excitement. A boyfriend. Some teenage angst. Successes and failures. Learning all about how to live.

A gap year at 18 followed by university at 19 and then more travel at 21. Landing in Madrid completely alone, terrified, unable to communicate. Found a Irish bar showing Wimbledon, made a friend and shared some tapas over our mutual love of Tennis. Heart rate returns to normal.

First job at 22.

Didn’t. Have. A. Clue.

Learnt on the job and blagged quite a lot. Amazing leaders to aspire to and impress. I was given a chance. Responsibility. They believed even when I didn’t. Confidence grew. Opportunities taken. New horizons.

I was on my way.

Married at 29. Yet more travel but this time with the love of my life to share the ride. Memories and experiences to cherish especially now. Didn’t really appreciate that at the time.

First baby at 32. What a whirlwind of emotions that was. Then it passed and we got into our rhythm. Baby 2 created a new dimension. And then baby 3 just slotted into place. It’s a very busy place. Just the way l like it.

Redundancy at 38 was a myriad of emotions and pretty awful but now I look back and realise it was actually an amazing opportunity.

I chose not to find another job. I chose to retrain. I chose slow everything down and work out what it is I really, really want.

I had the support. I was the support. For once I realise only I could make it happen.

In a culture where age and experience isn’t always valued I know that all of the above (and all the bits in between) has shaped me into who I am today.

There have been moments of genius and also complete cock ups. Then there are the exhausting late nights and the exhilarating moments in time, the anguish and the tears, the laughter and the fun. I can’t recall everything in detail, they aren’t the milestones, but they’ve all added up to make me, me.

I would tell my younger self to enjoy the ride. That sunshine normally follows the storm. To never doubt your gut instinct. To learn something from everything. And to make the most of every minute.

So here’s to being 40. To actively creating the rest of the story and not passively watching it pass me by.

I feel the best is yet to come. Watch this space.

How was it for you?

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Tue, 15 May 2018 20:18:14 GMT

Love it. Hate it. Feedback is important and this is why.

Babies give us positive feedback when they (eventually) smile after a very long six weeks of only knowing how to feedback by crying. It’s a momentous day!

A double click on an Instagram square or a Facebook like are also forms of feedback that shape our lives.

For me a quiet dinner table and then empty plates is the best non-verbal feedback I can receive at the end of a long day.

We get feedback at work through formal line management and appraisal systems but what happens when those systems aren’t in place? How on Earth as you supposed to know how you’re doing? Where things could be improved? When you’re doing brilliantly and should keep up the great work?

Whether you like receiving it or not getting feedback is essential otherwise it’s like being in a rudderless boat. You simply don’t know where you heading.

So my challenge today is to ask for, or give, some feedback - be it to your boss, a colleague or a friend.

I'll ignore the collective groan.

It really doesn’t have to be formal and stuffy. I smiled and said good morning to a man in the park this morning and it felt great to connect with another member of the human race who was also out enjoying the sunshine.

It could be as simple as...

How do you think that meeting went?
What do you think of my new shoes?
I love what you’ve done there.
Thank you for all your hard work on this project.

And then really notice both how it makes you feel and what happens next.

Sometimes negative feedback can be hard to take but you can choose how you deal with it . You can sulk and pretend it didn’t happen. Or you can learn from it and evolve.

Positive feedback is brilliant at lifting the spirits and driving us forward. Think back to the time when someone praised you or commented how much they loved your outfit or said thank you without being prompted. No sulking around after that I bet. I find I can’t stop smiling, get a spring in my step and find myself aiming that little bit higher.

Good luck with the challenge and in a true growth mindset what have you learnt from this post? I’d love some feedback!

Dare to dream

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Thu, 10 May 2018 19:22:53 GMT

Do you ever allow yourself to imagine how something that you want to happen in the future might play out? I'm a big fan and this is why.

As I write this I’m in my other role of Mum. I’m waiting with my two sons while my daughter swims up and down, trying to perfect her butterfly stroke. Good luck to her I say; can’t say I’ve ever mastered it. But it’s what we do isn’t it. To give our kids the best opportunities. To make sure they are safe near water.

But I feel rotten as I’m trying to get rid of a horrible virus and at this point my mind wanders...

Instead of sweating it out at the municipal pool I’m lying on a sun lounger on a tropical island. My kids are happily playing together nearby. My husband is catching the football highlights in the pool bar while getting us a drink. I’m so content because everyone is in their happy place. The sun is recharging my batteries. I’ve earned this break through hard work and squirrelling away.

And then I wake up and it’s time to fight our way into the communal showers.

So here's my question to you - do you ever allow yourself to imagine how something that you want to happen in the future might play out?

I mean really fantasise without considering the rational or realistic outcomes and actually pretend that what you want to happen actually happens?

Yes? No way?

As a child I used to role play games of mums and dads for hours and hours with friends and even on my own with all my toys in the supporting roles. I now hear my own children doing exactly the same thing. And all they’re doing is creating a pretend world that they want to live in for a short time.

But ask a bunch off adults (or even teenagers) to role play and there will be a lot of looking at the floor, sharp exits for a comfort break and all round nervousness about the task in hand.

When does it stop being ok to pretend to be something, or somewhere, else?

I say never.

My day dream on a sun lounger aside, a recent global study asked 7-11 year olds to draw what job they’d like when they grew up.

Seven is way too young to make decisions like that I hear you say! Children are too young to know what they want!

The study found that at this young age children did have aspirations but, shockingly, they were already stereotyping jobs according to gender. As a mother of a seven year old this made me sad and angry.

Getting children to fantasise about what job they'd love to do from a young age gives them amazing tool to work with for the rest of their lives.

Everything is entirely possible until (probably) one of us adults tells them otherwise or they get old enough to really understand the reality of what it takes to become a spaceman (I'm guessing at a PhD in astrophysics and intensive selection process) or a doctor (top exam results followed by six years at medical school and then a further ten years as a trainee).

But we can help change this.

Put gender to one side and just inspire the children you know about what it is you do. Maybe offer to speak at your local primary school.

I feel really hopeful for those children who keep aiming high. Their dreams might change but at least they’re aiming somewhere. And with some nurturing, encouragement, support and persistence they might just get there.

I had a great coaching session with a client recently and at the end, as always, I asked her what she’d learnt. And she said ‘that this really is possible’ and then she said that the visualisation that we had done around her chosen goal really made her think it had actually already happened.

So next time you have a brief moment, maybe on your commute or in a quiet moment over the weekend, have a little day dream. You never know, it might just come true.

For the record, my goal is to get my family to that island paradise in 2019. What’s yours?

Can we reschedule?

emilyjbal@gmail.com (Emily Bal) — Wed, 02 May 2018 19:15:35 GMT

I'm your coach. Not your teacher. This is why keeping the appointment (even when you don't think you should) is so important.

This week one of my clients messaged me the day before our planned session to ask if we should postpone as she hadn’t managed to do what she said she was going to do.

How do you think I replied?

Sure. When would you like to rearrange it for?
What do you mean you haven’t done anything?
It’s totally up to you. If we met we could talk through what’s stopped you making progress and it might help longer term.

*hums countdown clock music*

What did you go for?

1) is perfectly viable. 2) Is just downright rude. 3) is exactly how I played it.

And after a little thought she decided to stick with our arrangement and we had a good session.

Yet this isn’t a one off.

Clients often apologise to me for not making it through their action plan. What they have to understand is that their goals are exactly that, their goals. And not mine. The only person they're letting down is themselves.

I care passionately about the coaching process and how working with me makes you feel. I’ve lost count of the number of times a client has arrived feeling rubbish and leaves with a real skip in their step. It’s my job to make sure you feel as excited and energised and ready to tackle your goal by the end of a session but the responsibility of actually doing it lies 100% with you.

Of course I want you to succeed.

I absolutely want you to see you learn and grow.

But I’m your coach. I’m not your teacher who might give you a detention if you don’t do your homework. I’m not a parent who might express disappointment if you don’t do what you say you’re going to do.

I’m your sounding board and cheerleader. I listen. I show you how brilliant you already are. I help you become the most resourceful person you know. And when things don’t go to plan I’ll pick you up and brush you down, help you understand what went wrong and what you could do differently if it happens again.

What was most interesting when we were unpicking it all was that my client had actually made loads of progress on some other, related, things but she just didn’t recognise them as positive steps because they weren’t towards the specific goal.

I’ll end this little story with a few gifts.

My client realised she needs to work on prioritising her priorities and I shared this grid with her, which I find so useful when I can’t work out where I need to focus my attention.

You fill it in according to how urgent and important each task is.

If a task is both urgent and important then this needs to be your priority and you just need to do it.
If it's important but not urgent then you need to find a time to plan to do it.
If it's urgent but not all that important then delegate it. Who else can take responsibility for it?
And if it's neither urgent nor important then just forget about it (for now).

Bear in mind this grid works best when you're feeling overwhelmed. One day those things in box four might make it further up the to do list but for now they just don't need your time and energy. See if this works for you the next time you can't work out how to tackle an enormous to do list.

My client is also going to start an empowerment diary. At the end of every day she will write down three positive things that have happened in a bid to shift away from all the things she hasn’t done, which is where she currently focuses. We all do loads of great things every day and it’s amazing how different you feel when you actually acknowledge them.

So next time you think you’re letting someone down because you haven’t done something, ask yourself honestly who it is who has been let down?

And then maybe do something about it…

The language of resolutions

Fri, 16 Mar 2018 15:19:49 GMT

Goals are not just for annual resolutions

Last week a friend invited me to do a January detox with her. I was really tempted as there are many benefits to cleansing, especially after the indulgence of Christmas. However, the list of all the things I had to stop, cut out, avoid and give up was soul destroying.

As someone who doesn’t believe goals are just for annual resolutions it has got me thinking more about the language we use, not just in new year rituals, but every single day and what effect it can have on how successful we are.

One of my resolutions for next year is to reduce how much refined sugar I eat. I say reduce because I’m a big believer in everything in moderation and I also really don’t want to become a clean eating bore.

Last Thursday evening my husband was out on yet another Christmas party and my dinner consisted solely of Strawberry Dreams, Golden Barrels and the last Country Fudge from a seasonal chocolate box. They were delicious but held very little nutritional value and my self-loathing the next day went up a level.

So I don’t have to do much to make some headway with this resolution but for 2018 instead of the usual

‘My body is a temple and I will never eat chocolate or sweets or biscuits or cake ever again. Ever.’

my resolution will be more along the lines of

‘During the week I will replace chocolate and sweets with fresh fruit and other delicious naturally sweet stuff so that at the weekend I can enjoy whatever treats I am offered or just fancy.’

How does that sound to you? Sounds great to me. More appealing, realistic, less prohibitive and breakable.

The chances are I will lose my (currently very) sweet tooth but I will have pudding after Sunday lunch thank you very much and I might just help my two year old finish a packet of party bag buttons but I will savour and enjoy them for what they are. Sweet treats.

So this January how about giving up on giving up? Instead reframe, check your language, write it down and then see what happens.

For everything you want to give up, what is it you actually want to gain?

For anything you don’t want, what is it that you do want instead?

Merry Christmas and happy resolution setting!

What exactly are goals anyway?

Fri, 16 Mar 2018 15:10:19 GMT

Goals. Aims. Targets. Dreams. Desires. Objectives. Ambitions. Aspirations. Hopes.

Goals. Aims. Targets. Dreams. Desires. Objectives. Ambitions. Aspirations. Hopes. You get what I mean. They’re everywhere at this time of year while we start a new year and consider resolutions that we will, or won’t, keep. Call them what you want. Just thinking about them and maybe having one or two is a great start.

The best thing about personal goals is exactly that, they are totally personal. I don’t have the same goals as my friends or even my husband and I love that. What’s really important to you isn’t necessarily important to me and that’s ok.

In the simplest terms goals are somewhere to aim. You can’t say things didn’t go to plan if you didn’t have a plan in the first place, right?

Goals should be ambitious though. And if they make you feel a little bit sick then that’s good too. That means they’re meaty and challenging for you and if you achieve them it will hopefully mean things are changing in the way that you want.

So how on earth do you figure out what this exciting and ambitious yet sickness-inducing goal might be?

Well it’s time to sit back and daydream. What is that niggle in your life that you’d really like to change this year? What’s your secret ambition that you’ve never told anyone? What’s the one thing that you love doing so much that it makes you forget to eat? Try not to get caught up in the logistics of how a big goal might play out and let your mind wander…

Got something? Great. Now what?

A good litmus test for a goal is to then think about all the areas of your life that are important to you – it might be family, friends, security, home, religion, health, fitness, wellbeing, local community…the list is endless. Then ask yourself if working on this goal, this year, will have a positive effect on each of these important areas of your life, yes or no? If the answer is yes for more than half then that is telling you that this is something that is both important to you and everything you stand for.

Then check your language. Keep it positive. ‘I want to lose weight before my holiday’ is a great goal but the words are so depressing. Try reframing it. What is it you want to gain? How do you want to feel? ‘I want to feel fabulous in a swimsuit in the pool with my kids this summer’ is much more like it. Similarly ‘I want a new job’ could be ‘By September I have rebooted my career and will be playing my part in a dynamic senior leadership team’.

Now write your goal down. Anywhere. On paper. On a post it note. As a drawing. Online. At home. At work. And then tell someone who you trust and has your back.

Research shows that people who both write down and tell people about their goals are at least twice as likely to make headway than those who keep them to themselves. Coaching tools don’t work for everyone but this evidence shows that accountability, commitment and the simple act of putting pen to paper really does work.

And now put a date on it. When do you want to see this change in your life? By writing it down and putting a date on it your goal ceases to be that passing thought or dream you daren’t tell anyone about and becomes something to actually aim for. It might involve hard work, diversions and possible upsets but no one said it was going to be easy.

In case you were wondering for the last decade my big aspiration was to seek out a vocation that was a perfect fit for me and my values, where I could manage my own destiny and keep people firmly at the centre. It’s taken a while but this goal is now firmly on track.

My big goal for the next six months is to write with passion in a way that changes people’s view of the world and makes them want to take action. Let me know how this one is going.

What I have learnt in 2017

Fri, 16 Mar 2018 14:55:42 GMT

Ten things I’ve learnt

1. I have learnt that taking the first step towards something that is important to you is often significantly harder than taking the second, third or even last one. If you can find the motivation to decide what to focus on and then take just one tiny step towards making it happen, you might be surprised by how quickly the rest will follow.

2. I have learnt that if you wait for everything to be 100% perfect you may never start. Seeking perfection is a great form of procrastination so find where you’re comfortable place is – mine is about 50% perfect, for some of my clients its 10% and others its 80% - and then commit to starting from there.

3. I have learnt that knowing and understanding what’s really important is something that people rarely think about. We have objectives, appraisals and stretch targets at work but are happy to let our lives just happen. What’s so wrong with having dreams, aspirations and plans for our lives outside work and then writing them down and focusing our attention on them?

4. I have learnt that there are 24 hours in a day, which are 168 in a week and 8736 in a year. How we choose to spend our time is exactly that, a choice. This year I chose to take a social media hiatus, albeit for only a few weeks, to see what would happen. I gained a few hours to do other things but I also learnt that I like social media and that it definitely has a place in my life but I just need to be more mindful about it.

5. I have learnt that you get what you focus on. Such a simple sentence. But if you’re focusing in the wrong place then you’ll always be a little bit disappointed. See point 3.

6. I have learnt that there is much truth in the saying ‘Where there’s a will, there’s a way’. You can have a big goal, loads of motivation and all the resources to make it happen but if you don’t really, really want to do it, it’ll probably never happen. One of my most inspiring clients this year really, really wanted to lose 20kg. And she did, over six months and with four coaching sessions. She had will in bucket loads.

7. Don’t underestimate how you’ll feel when you start work on your goals. This year I wanted to make some of our 11,000 digital photographs a little more tangible. In the process of making three photo books I went through every emotion while looking back at the birth of my children, various weddings, time with friends, holidays, people who have died…Doing the books has made my life so much richer and now that I’m up to date I’m already excited about starting the 2017 book.

8. I’ve learnt that we’d all like a bit more confidence – whether that’s to ask for a pay rise, meet someone special or find a new job. Acknowledging what it is you’d like more confidence in is an amazing first step (see point 1).

9. I’ve learnt that the language we use every day can dramatically influence our experience of life. If you find yourself saying ‘I can’t do that’ try reframing it to ‘I can’t do that but I can do all these other amazing things.’ And if you don’t want something then think long and hard about what it is that you do want, and then go after it.

10. I’ve learnt that journaling really works. I have a line a day journal that I started in June and will do for the next five years. I can’t wait to see how life evolves over this time. I’ve also done daily empowerment diaries both personally and on twitter using #myyaytoday to keep my focus on the positive things that happen every day rather than dwelling on what didn’t happen. I’d underestimated the power of writing things down…

So that’s my list.

What have you learnt this year that could help you with plans for next?

One final thing that I’ve done for the first time is fill out the YearCompass booklet. It’s helped me to put 2017 to bed and get excited about my dreams and plans for 2018. A very handy little tool that I’ve tried and liked and is my festive gift to you.