I meet so many women who feel stuck.
Stuck being a person they don’t recognise. Stuck in
jobs they don’t want to be in.
Some are stay at home mums. Others are high flyers in the
city. Some are trying to get into work. Or they love what they do but wonder if
there’s more to life.
Feeling stuck really can strike at any time. And it’s a
horrible, paralysing feeling. It can be all consuming. Whatever confidence you
had goes out the window and you’re left in a state limbo – not satisfied with
the here and now yet no idea which way to turn.
I believe there are two main factors in play. Assumptions
and the fear of failure.
What are you assuming that is holding you back? What are you
assuming that keeps you in the rut and stops you climbing out?
We all assume things every day about people and situations
and they can have a huge impact on our lives. They’re powerful. They work at a
sub conscious level and their roots are deeply entrenched in our childhood
experiences.
How often do you find yourself saying things like ‘I can’t
do that’ or ‘I’m such a perfectionist’? Assumptions like these, also known as
limiting beliefs, set boundaries. They hold you back and block your way and,
more often than not, have no right to be there in the first place.
You see assumptions are unfounded. They’re not true.
Sometimes made up. Incomplete. Your mind tells you things and, over time, you
start to believe it.
And the only way forward is to challenge them.
All. The. Time.
Take away their power. Question yourself. Is this a fact? Is
this my belief or someone else’s? Where did I learn this from? How is this
assumption helping me/hindering me?
And slowly but surely your mindset will change. You’ll find
yourself enquiring about that promotion rather than instantly dismissing it
because you will no longer assume it’s been earmarked for someone else. You’ll
call that friend you’ve lost touch with because you will no longer assume that
she’s too busy or doesn’t like you anymore.
The other factor is our relationship with failure. It's time to start celebrating it. It’s not the opposite of success. In fact, it’s a huge
part of it. Getting things wrong is the best way to grow and learn but there’s still
such a stigma around it.
And fear of failure can keep us stuck in the rut for a very
long time. You might know exactly what needs to change and how you’re going to
do it yet you’re paralysed by the assumption that it’s all going to go wrong.
So you do nothing. And then nothing changes.
As Thomas Edison, the inventor of the first electric
lightbulb, famously said:
Edison's attitude was the epitome of the growth mindset, which is the belief
that we all have the capacity and capability to grow. We can all learn from our
mistakes and be a better person as a result.
So with that in mind here are four things you can do to develop your growth mindset and help you feel less stuck:
Just start
Take a tiny step towards huge goal and notice how you feel.
We get stuck in indecision and inaction because our ambitions are overwhelming.
But if you break a goal down into all the component parts and then commit to
doing just one small thing you’ll be surprised how quickly you’ve then moved
onto the next thing on the list.
Choose a priority
Women are said to be great at multitasking because it’s a
muscle we’ve been flexing for years but it’s just not the answer. I say it’s
time to down tools and focus on having some focus. The word priority was never meant to be a plural. Crazy to think in our busy world of managing multiple priorities. So this week try this. Prioritise. Do one task at a time,
really well and with all the energy and intention that you've got. And then notice what you notice. My bet is your sense of achievement will go sky high and you will more than likely get
more done in the long run.
See the positive in the negative
We learn more from when things go wrong
than when it all goes to plan. Take some time to think about some of your
biggest cock ups and write them down. Acknowledge how it feels just
acknowledging them. Then alongside each write down what wisdom you now have and what
you’d do differently if it happened again.
Finish something every day
Write it down on a scrap of paper or in a fancy journal. It
doesn’t matter. Just acknowledge what you’ve achieved and pat yourself on the
back. It might start with something small but I can assure you you’ll be
surprised by how quickly your successes grow.
